So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
