gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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