first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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