Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
