she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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