dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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