WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
