Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
