i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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