What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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