How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
