Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
