margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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