Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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