sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
