Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
