Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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