So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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