tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
