woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
