: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
