Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
handjob tips. give me some.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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