I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
