those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I just went to clothing optional bar
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize