I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
