Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
