You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I only lived at night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
