Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
