Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i have herpe
just one?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
