We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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