i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize