i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize