I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
