I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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