who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
