Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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