So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
