I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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