escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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