My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
