walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
