Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
