come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize