ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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