Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
