why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
