i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
