Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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