Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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