Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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