I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dear god my vagina.
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