So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
