Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
