I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
