Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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