And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
