Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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