but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
