"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize