Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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