Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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