grandma shit on top of the toilet
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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