ugly people sure do ruin things
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
