Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
