Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
