I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
