Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
