Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
