I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
