We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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