I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
