his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, beer. Big fan.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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