Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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