Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
