my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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