eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
