Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
