we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
