I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You smell like stripper and shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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