Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
