We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize