Someone shit on the floor
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
