I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
