I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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