it's too hot outside to masturbate.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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