i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
