I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize