i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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