god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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