Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
