i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
