i barfeds in our rink
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
