You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize