I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The adults are the big ones right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
