so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
