I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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