for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
