Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
